that feeling has continued, but not just that. for some reason nautical terms seem fitting, like unmoored, adrift, rudderless. it's not entirely true as my family is doing well, so are my friends. my career is going well and i enjoy my work and find it fulfilling. i can't really complain.

and yet, i feel like, i don't know what. it's not as easy as just someone or something is missing. that may be, but i don't know if it's that simple. maybe i'm just not appreciating my current situation enough. maybe getting involved with someone would just be wasting their time because i want to be left alone most of the time. maybe i'm not as fulfilled as i think. i don't know. and i think about it a lot. a lot a lot.



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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

and i search for you in every passing car