i do not remember why i started writing here. my best guess is that it was the newish thing and this offered a ready made template and free hosting. which is funny because if something like this hadn't existed then, i might not have ever started writing down my thoughts.

i've mentioned previously that writing here helps me write elsewhere and helps me think. i wrote off and on through nearly all of my time in college and my entire current career. and while i'd rather not be hyperbolic i don't think it would be to say that i probably wouldn't have done as well in the former and more than likely would not have the latter if it weren't for this. but at the time i didn't know all that.

i think i may have initially wanted connection and thought this was a simpler way to go about that. i'm an introvert and for people to like me at all, if at all, takes time. and i still enjoy that connection. there are people i communicate with, and others i sadly don't much anymore, that i have talked to for a decade because we both wrote here. but i don't write as much for that as i did.

i think of late it is about getting thoughts out. it is a chore some days (especially this year). sometimes i have thoughts fully formed when i sit down. sometimes i have multiple thoughts fighting in the shower and i have nothing to write them down with. my favorite is when i have just a dustball of an idea and something clicks and it either makes me laugh or tear up or get angry.

more than a third of my life and rapidly approaching half is catalogued here, though with huge gaps.

a friend of mine was talking with me about starting a new blog based around a specific topic and i don't remember exactly (overused phrase of the day), but basically i mentioned that it might be difficult to write daily on one topic, so he would have to decide upon his frequency goal so he didn't get discouraged if he wasn't writing daily or something. one of the ways i've been able to get away with writing so much this year is because i, like water, will work my way into whatever crack of an idea i can find. sometimes i reread things and i wonder not only why i wrote what i did but why i wrote about what i did or why i focused on a particular angle or point. generally it is just whatever lint spins up long enough and gets turned into thread. i need to work on some level of discipline.



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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

and her eyes, they will shine