someone, at the end of class this afternoon, asked me if today's class felt more confusing than normal. though i wasn't sure at the time, i now agree. his point, furthermore, was that it is always a bit confusing, but today more so than normal. again, i agree. due to many factors, like the professor's slight illness with a bit of a headache a sore throat. also, it is a difficult subject [philosophy, the department; ethics, the subject; simone de beauvoir's the ethics of ambiguity the current text.], and though interesting, must be worked through at times..

this is making no sense, which just backs me up completely i think. anyway, there are a few people who add confusion every class. i will grant you i am not very quick, nor am i a person who grasps things with only a glance, so they may just be so far over my head that i cannot grasp their ways of thinking and the comments that flow forth like a mighty river would.. i.e. talk a lot. but i'd like to think that when the professor doesn't get what they are saying [a professor who is not some wacky phl prof, by the by], and i don't, at the same time, that they are making less sense, rather than more. there were at least a few of those type comments today, as well as one remark that literally scared me. seriously. [not like, boo!, and i run from the room shrieking, no.] it was scary to know someone had such ideas, and moreover, that they found them normal, sane, and in some senses even divine, yet devoid of personal choice.. i was taken aback.

in other news, i'm worried on a daily basis about the palestinian and israeli crises, as there are more than one for sure.. and of course our be-rat-faced president, just getting a clue whispered in his ear today, made less than great comments. i'm torn. i don't know whether to hope he quits making an arse of himself and the country, and making the world a continually worse place, because it isn't even funny anymore, and that's saying a lot; but at least he might not get re-elected, as one can dream, and i am one. or to hope he fouls things up so horrendously that even a portion of the fools who voted for him before will see what a twit he is. such hopes..

i've never seen e.t. never. granted i was two when it came out first, i could have seen it on video all this time. or now again at the local cinema. [why can't they bring back a lot of old movies. they would make money from me at least..] i'm not going to see it. perhaps i would have, but the fact they edited out the word "terrorist" is beyond stupid. but the kicker, as i see it, is this. they edited shotguns out of one scene at least, maybe more, as i've not seen it, you see, i can't say for certain. so it is not alright to have shotguns in a movie, which is not reality. this is not good for children to see. what is good is that they can see them in wal-mart and at home, and touch them, and get a hold of them from time to time, and fire them. yes, this is a good thing. i think maybe if there were an alien here, guns would be visible.. considering there were some strapped to the back of young men in september, and leveled at individuals, less than a mile from my house, i can't imagine flying bicycles warranting merely walkie-talkies. i may be wrong.

does anyone have old hayden cd's laying around they want to give me? or new ones for that matter. let me know.

and, and, and. things involving xs and os.. [and not the elliott smith album.]


"and i don't think war is noble,
and i don't like-
to think love is like war.." -ani


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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

one more medicated peaceful moment..