i could almost call miss cleo, i like her accent, but when you start bringing in former real world cast members, something isn't right.
i wish i could disconnect from myself and let my body go on autopilot. i need some few weeks of sleep or just being removed from life. it's exhausting, and i don't even mean in a physical sense. i mean i can't even think of anything to say because my head is full of stuff. and it's stuff i can't figure, which doesn't really clarify as i can figure so little. but i couldn't pull something out of the dust cloud that is inside my head and tell you what it is or why it's clogging as it is, as i have no idea what is stuck in there, i just know it's giving me headaches and keeping me from figuring things out or what to write. a few things remain fantastically clear however, one being that when i walk to my mattress in a few minutes, it's going to be empty, and as much as i adore those moments of actual falling into sleep and out of consciousness, i would hold them off a few minutes each night to watch and hear and hold someone else's moments. i can only really think of one person's and they were years ago. they remind me how wonderfully endearing it is; unfortunately far removed from the present though as well. it's horrible not to be happy as is. i know. i would like to play the "i'm entitled today of all day's" card, but that was two hours ago at best, and i do it all the time.
i think maybe i should learn to love my dust cloud..
-
"send the poison rain
down the drain
to put
bad thoughts in my head.
with two tickets torn in half
and a lot
of nothing to do,
do you miss me,
miss misery
like you say you do?" -e.s.
needle in the hay-ay..