so maybe life is like this. no matter what you do you are headed where you are headed. on the one hand you cannot cause change but neither can anyone else. not appreciable change.
and no matter what you do the road is set out and you are led by the flow of life and death or atoms or electrons inevitably. while that does take away responsibility (convenient) so also goes self-importance (reasonable). funny that determinism creeps in with pessimism as if i had nothing to do with times like these.
i'm so tired