there is a site that i read, and i am going to have to summarize one of the points the author makes so that i can respond to it. i'm not linking to it directly because i don't know her and she doesn't know me and i just don't feel right linking to some stranger while saying that i think they're wrong.

her points were that she is good at the beginning of relationships, but is not so good in the middle or end. her estimation is that by the middle she starts to let go of herself and change, and then she resents the other person for that change until the end.

my problem with that is that change is inevitable. you would probably change anyway (though perhaps not in the same ways), and relationships change you all sorts of ways. maybe good maybe bad but so long as you keep hold of a core of things everything else should open to change. otherwise you are not only attempting to swim upstream, you are missing out.

would i like so many cheeses, would i like the beatles as much as i do, would i like yellow ginkgo tree leaves in the fall as much? i have no clue, but i can tell you that because i was open and let go of at least some of myself i formed connections that last. i will grant that these are small, unimportant things in general, but the point remains even if the change includes a considerable shift in some of your attitudes or ideas.

to expect to exist in a relationship and be able to remain completely yourself is to not want a relationship. it's wanting a pet, or a new stereo. and it's insane.

but maybe that's just me.



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