i honestly believe that perpetually perky people [besides a nice bit of alliteration going,] have some sort of chemical imbalance. i was going to say here that severely depressed people are medicated for just such a reason, but everyone is medicated, so it isn't as valid a point, but i'll use it anyway. i think the similarly affected people on the other end of the spectrum of feelings need also be medicated, or at least institutionalized. or, really, just not allowed in my class. and if nothing else, they must be kept from having spontaneous, unsolicited discussions of philosophy with me. now this isn't because i feel myself superior, especially not in such a subject as that, rather that their perky logic is so far over my head that i have yet to figure out what this girl was talking about. and i would have liked to tell her to get a clue, though i'm not the best representative for the rest of society, but, just as with the acutely depressed, one can never be sure what will push someone over that edge that is so often referred to.

as for classes, going into this semester [which is now a week old], or early monday morning, after my first class, i figured all was peachy, and this semester would be my best yet. quality of class-wise at least, if not grades. [though i find when i enjoy and am interested in the class i tend to do better, go figure..] yeah, so the first class is great. the one that night is high school. a huge group of morons using the class to get out of taking a harder class, and me who is taking it because it is specifically required for my degree. it is a horribly long class with a professor that reminds me of an annoying version of my kindergarten teacher. my philosophy class is fine, though i'm not getting it anywhere near as much as i felt i was last semester, but i figure i need to give it time to be able to really decipher if that is the case or not.

the main problem is my french conversation class. i've taken a fair amount of language classes before, but never got to conversation and i can see why not. i won't even jokingly be bold enough to say i've never been the dumbest person in a class throughout my life, however, i don't remember the last time i felt like the person everyone else quietly shakes their head at. not that they do, it is really a great group of people to have in a class, all helpful and whatnot [except of course this one guy who makes me want to eat my pen, and this old guy who showed up last time and, despite his initial charm, is really a dried up lemon of a man.], but i couldn't be more out of my element. if anything i need some humbling and correction because being at university up to this point has taught me that procrastination is not only viable, but the way to go. this class then, is the exact opposite of everything else up to this point. and i [besides not looking for sympathy as i've dug my own grave here] am fairly well screwed or buggered. [take your pick.]

also, for being the first weekend after classes have started, it's far too short, i'm looking particularly twelve lately, and i'd do well to run in one direction for a long time. [i figured i'd get them all in at one time..]

in any case i don't feel as bad as i feel i should.


"space is older
than the air moving in and out
of your lungs..
the air moving in and out
of your lungs" -m.g.b.


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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

and i wonder, where have you gone?..