since at least thanksgiving, time has stood still. not in the sense that nothing has happened, but that it has felt like late november for the past month. it has not felt anything like december or christmas. and sure a big portion of that has to do with temperatures in the mid-sixties or above [something like 18C], but we've had warm decembers before. but yesterday felt like the day after thanksgiving, not the day before christmas. i can't explain it other than just that. and i just got in a bit ago, and driving home at a quarter past four on christmas morning i saw a total [including mine] of seven cars on the road, and never more than one at a time. and the cold snapped in this past week and it is something like twenty-five right now [-3C] and i noticed that the glow coming from the traffic signals and the christmas lights and street lights was very crisp and there is a frost on the ground and on cars and everything is dark and closed and quiet, and there weren't any dogs barking and it finally felt like christmas to me. opportune moment, i agree, but that's how it is sometimes, apparently..

and in the true spirit of the holidays, i feel a profound sense of lack. and not just inside, but outside myself as well. i keep looking over my shoulder and i'm turning myself in circles. i have a poor sense of direction, by any definition, and an even worse sense of timing. i'd like to think if nothing else the combination of the two would allow me to bump into the right person [again]. i'd like to think a lot of things..

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