a bit more serious, i was getting some supremely tasty chinese food wednesday night, and while i was waiting for it to be cooked, i felt very guilty. while i do believe things happen for a reason, why should i get to eat hot, good, and filling (as well as rather healthy/nutritious, though admittedly not extremely so) food? when there are so many people in the world and the country and probably the city who are hungry constantly, malnourished, and dying. it's not like i invented an oxygen substitute or discovered the cure to bovine spongiform encephalopathy or anything important. and i tried to think what i could do. do i fast to the point of destroying my body? do i donate my belongings to charity? i can't tell if such lines of thought are productive or counter.

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i'm to the point of night where i lust after .. sleep. i can't wait for the cool pillow and sheets and that moment where your mind shuts down. and those times when you wake up in the middle of the night just long enough to realize how good sleep feels and that you are going back to it in a few seconds. i guess i could be lusting after hearing someone breathe really nearby, and someone who is invariably cold, no matter the temperature, and so has to warm themselves via me. but i don't think they exist. optimism is like an approximation for pi. it works, roughly, in your head, but on paper, forget it. it always ends up 3.14159265358979323846264338327
950288419716939937510582097494
459230781640628620899862803482
53421170679821.. every time. [i'm too much of a nerd to worry about stuff like that obviously.]

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