on my way home just now the song from the movie 'arrival' was the random song playing on my mix. which made me think about the movie and the idea in it of, spoilers, whether or not you would go into something if you knew the outcome wouldn't be good. or, perhaps more accurately, there would be a lot of good but it would end badly.

i feel like i am in this sort of place. i feel like i know that there is an unhappy ending. when, i don't know. maybe i'm wrong entirely, i don't know. i guess that i will figure it out as i go.

i don't like uncertainty in this regard. it is harmful and destructive for me. in the short term, so be it. in the long term, it would become unsustainable. i don't know.

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