somehow my day went from perfectly fine friday before time off, to.. i don't know, sort of empty and sad. and nothing happened in that intervening space except for me thinking about stuff.
i know multiple people, exes included, who have mentioned how their minds will run at night and keep them up (i've mentioned this very thing before) and mine basically never does. but then other non-night times it can take off. and i'd say that more often than not the conclusions are negative.
so i think, well maybe there's something to that and i've got some issue that should be medicated. and maybe so. except, the conclusions are not crazy or wrong. i don't sit around and conclude that i'm bad at my job and will amount to nothing and that everyone hates me and life is pointless. i'm very well-suited for what i do, i get along with people just fine, and life is often fun and almost always rewarding.
but i do come to conclusions that i can't really do much with. i'm good in small doses, but not much beyond that. just because i want something to work doesn't mean it's a good thing. being realistic hurts in the short run.
none of these are revelations, and yet i had to fight tears on my drive home from work. i don't really get it. but this is helpful, just emptying my head for a bit. put cork in bottle. throw in sea.