i have a handful of close friends, literally 4 or 5, who cumulatively know pretty much everything about me. i have a different subset of friends (again 4ish) that i see regularly but don't share everything with. we all get along, i think, and enjoy doing things together but the relationship is slightly more superficial. which is a good thing.
what i've been thinking about though, is that i don't feel super close to anyone. while it is not about pining for a relationship, i don't know exactly what it is about. maybe that i don't feel completely comfortable or myself with anyone. or maybe i'm just an uncomfortable person. i don't know. one thing that is funny(?) is that even though some of the people mentioned above know i write here and may read this, it's not a conversation i want to have with them.
i should have seen it sooner