there are times, like now, when i really wish that i could chalk things up to karma or misfortune or an ill-tempered spirit that i have not appeased. but the fact is that i can see back almost ten years and and being here now makes complete sense. i did this to myself. unknowingly, but that doesn't really matter.
and life isn't even bad it's just lacking. but specifically lacking in a way that i cannot do anything about it. time may work its magic. but there's no way to know, until.