here's something i don't think really sunk in until maybe 6 months ago; people don't stop looking.

i have a job that i enjoy and i haven't really looked elsewhere since. meanwhile coworkers, who also seem to like their jobs, are constantly looking. i don't know if i am just naïve or lazy or if they are driven or greedy. maybe none, maybe all.

i was thinking of mentioning, as a separate thing, how moms seem to like me and how i can't figure out why. and not so much how i get along with people's moms, though i do seem to and rather well oddly enough, but how women my age who are mothers seem to be interested in me at a higher rate than the general female population.

i can speculate that it's because i'm single, no kids, and a job, all of which would seemingly be easier to blend with someone who does have kids than someone who is unemployed, with kids and a wife. conversely, though, i've no fatherly experience, and my mindset might be self-centered. maybe i give off that lazy/naïve vibe.

my main guess, somewhat similar, is that i probably seem safe; as good and bad as that term connotes. someone has actually told me that they thought i was 'too good' (along the lines of straightlaced), which i find doubly unfortunate. for one, i don't think that i am, though that determination isn't mine to make. but also, i find it very deflating to think that at this point in my life the decision to not go out and smoke and drink to excess is still a such a driving force that it would be a deciding factor. i say this as someone who does more things that i'm too old to do than age-appropriate ones. grow the fuck up.



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