i am a proponent of the idea that one is responsible for how one feels, meaning one's emotional or psychological response to and view of the world. reductionist, sure. too simplistic, probably. but if i can say a hundred things to you and only one impacts how you feel, the variable isn't me or even the apparent variable, what i've said. if we extrapolate it out, a thousand, a million different phrases.. it's what you let through that causes impact.

and thinking of it this way i've noticed that there are only a few people who i let bypass my filters and the reactions that such access allows for have a much higher potential amplitude and much longer potential duration. i realize that all i am saying is that i am more vulnerable to those close to me, or to those i am more open to, which may even be a tautology, though perhaps not necessarily so. but i think i've needed to think of it this way to really grasp what that means.



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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

i may need a chaperone