i don't think i am as smart as i used to be. or not as instinctual. i was never very much of either but i feel like everything that spills out of my head is choppy. undeveloped. and uninteresting. i remember, perhaps incorrectly, that i used to get ideas to write and i could think of paragraphs of things to say either while driving or in the shower or when i sat down at the keyboard. now, depending on how long i needlessly extend this notion, this may be the longest thing i've written on here in years. or not.