as far back as i can remember i've been on the end of the continuum that says that you should give yourself time to get over someone before moving on with someone else. but lately i've been vacillating between that and the idea of moving on earlier in an attempt to not prolong the unpleasantness.

i don't mean eliminating said period completely but reducing it. i'm wary of changing my stance on this when it would hypothetically benefit me so drastically. it is all academic at this point as i am not after anyone and certainly no one is after me. to be fair, even if someone were, i don't feel like i could reciprocate.

i guess the way it has been is that it's as if the ex leaves tons of stuff with me and over time i will s-l-o-w-l-y box it up and pack it away, put it in storage, throw some out. eventually i will be presentable again.

the alternate idea seems more like a 30-day grace period after an eviction. and i just replace the old stuff with new stuff. maybe that makes more sense. the ex is an ex because she or i wanted out and so why hold on to memories.

i think, more than anything else, i'm worried that if i were to choose to do that, i would lose the ability to hold on to things that i do want. and further, that i might become more cold and detached. i've felt that before and i don't like it; and i would rather deal with everything than not. of course, maybe that needn't be a dichotomy.

for all the usefulness this sort of thinking provides, i should go plan the use of my lottery winnings for the tickets i don't buy.



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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

but i would rather be alone, than pretend that i feel alright