i don't know when i'll get used to this. i don't particularly want to get used to it, again, because i tend to have long stints. i will be with someone for a fairly long time and then alone for long time. and though i cannot currently envision wanting to be with someone else, i also don't fancy years of alone time.

i haven't cooked for myself in what is rapidly approaching a month. i think about it at times. i will go to the kitchen and look, but then i feel uneasy or unsettled or anxious or maybe even scared. and i'm aware that it's a reaction that i could simply step through, i don't.

i never felt like there was enough time in the day, before. now time disappears in great chunks. hours slip by due to nothing much.

i've thought about it.



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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

you are part, of every thing