a few months ago a friend of mine, an ex sort of, told me that she thought i was selfish and/or self-centered. i think she was serious, though she later tried to backtrack a little. regardless that's how i took it. it stung, and i thought she was wrong.

and then a few weeks ago, maybe more, i was leaving this chinese restaurant that i frequent and i heard a homeless guy call out. it was a guy i had seen before, a guy i had given money to before. for some reason i kept walking like i didn't hear him. i regretted it for hours. i know, poor pitiful me with a job and a roof. but it bothered me.

then just less than 3 weeks ago, the relationship i was in was ended. she wasn't mean about it but i have a feeling if i put myself in her place more often that it wouldn't have happened.

a few hours ago i was leaving the same chinese place, having had a chat there with a friend from out of town. when we left, the same homeless guy was there. apparently he called out but i didn't notice it at first. i got to my car and i went back over and gave him what i had on me, which wasn't much. but i felt like a person for the next two or three minutes.

it doesn't prove anything. i probably got more out of it than he did; that's generally how it goes.

i wish that it didn't take such destructive events for me to learn something.



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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

it's not enough