prosaic

as we all sat around to hear that the office probably isn't closing, for this year anyway, everyone was relieved except me. i had a moment of respite but i knew that no matter what happened she wouldn't be there for a stress-relieving hug when i got home. and she won't ever be.

i miss so many little things that it never lets up. if someone were to offer to be a warm body to sleep next to, i'd just end up losing it. just thinking that thought earlier had me tearing up.

i think that my body or my subconscious is trying to move this process along because it can't take it again. the healing process is slow enough, but add to that the fact that i learn things and process things slower than most people; my organs are probably pickling in the stress hormones.