you do realize that we are keeping road-crossing animals from becoming smarter and evolving by not hitting them, right? if we started hitting them, it is reasonable to assume that we might be saving more lives as future generations of squirrels and possums and deer would be better equipped to deal with roadways.

i do not know how i didn't mention this when it happened six or seven years ago, but apparently i did not. so i was walking across a campus (not mine) to my car just before sunrise and i thought nothing of the lawns being chock full of squirrels and a few birds as this particular campus always had very well-fed squirrels all over the place.

out of the very corner of my eye and in the pale pre-sunlight, about ten feet away, i saw the largest squirrel in the world. how large? I'm thinking bobcat size, boston terrier/french bulldog size. it startled me, i may have jumped to the side, i may have emitted sound (i honestly don't recall at this point), and i felt my adrenal glands squeeze a little as my fight or flight response had a test.

of course this was not a squirrel but a huge rabbit the exact same coloring as the surrounding squirrels. i thought it was funny, and i was relieved, but i still walked faster than normal to my car. it was me or him, that's all i knew, and he had rodent teeth.

i have two words for haberdashers that have not come to the present in a time machine from the past, and they are, fuck pleats.



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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

i don't want you to go back home