for years, a decade at least, i have noticed that american audiences applaud whenever they want. in a pause of music or dialogue when more is clearly coming, or even in the middle of a song because the artist has said a choice four-letter word or phrase against whomever (an ex-.., the man, people in general), thereby drowning out the next thirty seconds, or they just completely clap and shout and whistle and hoot over the entire intro and outro to a song because they MUST be the first and loudest to inform the band of their approval of the choice of music because we all bloody well know that those on stage only care about what you, jim polo-shirt and jane see-through clothing, think of their set selections, what with your rebellious panache and uniqueness.

i noticed it first in american audiences, but i have also noticed it spreading to other western audiences. perhaps it was there first and i did not realize because my bootleg selection was not so worldly back then. (but i doubt it is anything but an exported commodity.)

and before i am written-off as an old-um-limebag(?) potato sack(?) (parsnip trolley?) (toffee parcel?) [i could go on for hours.], i enjoy live music and i have been in a crowd so deafening that my hearing was cutting out like a speaker with a bad wire. and i enjoyed it. (especially the part where i could hear again.) but shut up already. set an appropriateness egg timer or bring an uncorrupted foreigner with you. something.

the new issue is one that has certainly come about more recently, probably from hippie crunchy parents (or the children of said parents) making sure that every kid must be a winner and the best and super. look, i am not saying to beat your kids, but some win sometimes and some lose, and without some amount of distinction between the two at some point in their childhood, a problem results, and the problem is, self-applause.

what is self-applause? well, it is probably not a real term, yet, but i am applying it simply to when other people are clapping for you and you decide to join in. i don't mean, "hooray, third graders!" and the kids join in with the audience in applauding themselves. while that would probably be a bit gauche:

a. they are kids.
    and,
b. it is a large group and perhaps child x is applauding for all other children in the group but not him or herself.

but see, that is not even the point, i do not care so much about children � though i should as they will soon be the people i am taking issue with � or about individuals in a group, the problem is with individual adults applauding themselves. what kind of cheek do you have (or are seriously lacking) when you think praising yourself for all to see is a good thing to do, and when everyone else in the room is already giving your massive self-doubt what-for?

the only logical conclusion i can draw from this is that next semester i will find myself listening to a bad idea in class when the speaker will interrupt himself with his own applause at the mention of what he (sadly) deems a choice phrase, (that he probably plagiarised.)

le sigh.

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