and i do not know why someone has not come along who is not sick of me. maybe this line, this spiel, is nothing more than an illusion i have created for myself. maybe i have set this hurdle up specifically so that i can never get past it. maybe. but i do not think so.
i am tired of talking about it but that is how it is. the best way i can describe it is: you know how when you have a really bad cold, i mean a really bad one, and you are really stuffed up? breathing is difficult, swallowing is difficult because you are that stuffed up, and smelling is right out. sleeping is a chore because you have to lay there with your mouth agape and what seems like a brick tied to your face.
or maybe like a very sharp pain after an injury or surgery that takes days to subside? you can take medicine for either but they only relieve some of the discomfort for a short while and then it comes back.
i am long overdue for something that is both real, and not ending in disaster.
i am not entirely horrible..
and yes, that is my sales pitch.
i hope that you find your way..