i am not sick. but it feels like i am.

i am uneasy, my stomach is just this side of unsettled, and my chest feels like it is swimming in super-diluted adrenaline. i have a pretty good guess why, and thinking about it is not helping at all.

it is really no fun to have been harmful to good friendships, even unintentionally. the whole thing is stupid and unfortunate. i would like to be able to just hang out. but that is not happening today, nor any time soon so far as i can surmise.

i am sick because of it, and i am sick of it at the same time.

something has to give. it is eating me from all sides. i thought i was past feeling like shit for at least a little while.

guess not.



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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

you tell me that you care and you never do lie