i worry about repetition and cycles. they have existed to a scary degree so far. and while i do think there is something to the whole, those who do not learn from it must repeat it, idea, i am not sure if i have learned enough to stop another iteration. i do not know if there is anything i can do to begin with, but i suspect that there is.
i am no longer particularly worried about life, but i am not satisfied with it either.
it is not that i do not expect it to be draining; it is just difficult to care much when there is no replenishment. being torn down is one thing. it is the never being rebuilt..
and you just just walk away