how is it that time can be so effective at what it does? is it that time equals distance and so we are just removed? does it wear away at events and feeling and memory and errode imperceptibly until the orignal mass either no longer resembles the original or is gone completely? or is it just a function that explains our own degradation?

i worry about repetition and cycles. they have existed to a scary degree so far. and while i do think there is something to the whole, those who do not learn from it must repeat it, idea, i am not sure if i have learned enough to stop another iteration. i do not know if there is anything i can do to begin with, but i suspect that there is.

i am no longer particularly worried about life, but i am not satisfied with it either.

it is not that i do not expect it to be draining; it is just difficult to care much when there is no replenishment. being torn down is one thing. it is the never being rebuilt..



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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

and you just just walk away