just putting in that particular cd made me tense. hearing half of the first line of the first song and i stopped breathing. that is not healthy. then, not much is these days.

i do not know why everything has to be a struggle. some things should still come easy but they do not. every single event, every outing, every meal, every nap, every day.

what may be more unfair than anything else, it will probably be months or years before i am past this and able to fully appreciate everything as i should. and i understand that. but i do not know if i can make it that long on my own.

so do i risk screwing someone else over with my baggage or push people away until i am at a better point? and to top that off with a big stupid cherry, this person i speak of, these people i am referring to, they are all hypothetical.

no, seriously.. fuck.



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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

cos your survival is mine, maybe..