i need to keep this brief so as not to damage my very healthy sleep pattern. well, further damage.. for some time now a large focus of mine has been to nurture a significant relationship and then to build whatever career i can around that. it was not my only focus, but that was my general plan.

the problem i have found myself in of late is that it is becoming easier to imagine potential career tracks than it is to imagine another person potentially in my life.

and i will admit, it would be great if i some day found a job or a set of circumstances that paid (relatively) well to do something i enjoy and find fulfilling. but what i find most fulfilling is being with someone and doing things together. travel, cook, sleep, just about anything.

i know my life is not where i think it should be when it is easier to imagine this going well, which opens this door, which leads to that and maybe even that other thing, than it is for me to imagine meeting someone nice, who is not repulsed, and whom actually sticks around long enough to realize i am not entirely a waste of time.

not that it should be the other way around, it just had been until recently.



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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

i just write about what i should have done