the truth is finally out. i am glad for that. the means by which i got that truth, and everything that came out (from both of us) might very well mean that the most important person in my life - for at least the past four years, and much more like the past seven - will never want to speak to me or see me again.

i realize that this place i write is one-sided and i don't want a bad picture to be painted of her. we both did things we shouldn't have. they were different, but neither were good.

as bad as things are, i find myself in the position where i would gladly start from this point and work forward with her rather than just walk away. and so i have that hope left in my heart. i know it is probably foolish to entertain such a thought, but really, it is what i believe would be the best situation, so i cannot deny it to myself or anyone else.

i realize that i play a larger role than anyone else in ruining or fixing my life, and i realize that goes for this moment and this situation too. but i also know i can't fix this on my own. and the only person who can help doesn't want to.

if there was one thing i could say publicly about it all, it's this..

i'm sorry i didn't act like i should have so long ago. i'm sorry i wasn't as good of a person as i should have been. and i'm sorry i acted as i did recently. i forgive you for whatever you've done, i understand how it happened, and i love you to the point i want to make a go at it with this fresh start, this wide open space. if you'll have me, i'll be here.


no more songs


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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

and i am thankful, love is spoken here