i've been without glasses all day today. my rationale was that they are a weak prescription and i can see pretty well without them. so instead of wearing them, being without them for a few hours, and then wearing a new prescription - and thereby risking one or more headaches - i would just not wear them and then put on the new prescription when i got them back.

pretty good idea, i thought, especially when they said they'd have my lenses done in an hour. this turned into a couple of hours when they didn't call me like they said they would, but i had lunch and then went to pick them up. except they weren't the right prescription.

that's not exactly true. the distance correction was fine, but my lenses require prisms, and those had not been written down. ten rush hour miles and an hour later and i was told my glasses would be ready tomorrow.

so i'm stuck with everything slightly blurry, sore ocular muscles, and very exhausted eyes. it takes concentration to focus, and it is frustrating and very tiring. it is difficult to do anything meaningful or think about much beyond the immediate.

and this is sort of how life has been lately. people around me probably don't notice anything is wrong. and any change that may be noticeable would probably seem insignificant. but i can tell how drastic the change has been. it has dulled my reactions. nothing seems urgent or necessary, and i can constantly feel my heart in my chest.

i get my glasses tomorrow, and my eyes will be fine. i hope sometime next week to find repair for the rest.

and maybe i will, and maybe i won't. and i don't think anyone will ever know the difference because i don't express myself to people unless they know me. and they don't.

what little i know, is that life is not supposed to be this. how things are. i know that i could pretend to be busy if i needed to. i could stop wearing glasses to force my focus elsewhere. i just don't want that to be necessary.


"yeah you're worth the trouble and you're worth the pain
you're worth the worry, i would do the same,
if we all went back to another time.." -b.+s.


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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

..i will love you over.. ..i will love you over.. ..i will love you..