this will be pathetic and emotional, so feel free to skip it.

you know your life has been destroyed when you cannot walk across campus and remain emotionally intact.

the last time i had a relationship i wrote about the up times on here and left out a lot of the bad breakup stuff.

this time i thought that i would keep the good stuff personal. i felt it was too important to let it get out into the world because i know what the world does to good things. it chews them up. so i thought i could protect it, her, me, us, this time.

i thought that this part of my life, this part where i have to do everything alone, and where i don't get to share anything with anyone, i thought this part was done. i thought it ended years ago. i thought i was above the masses who are adrift and lost. i felt anchored, secure, and that it did not matter whether or not i could do something on my own, because i was not on my own. if i couldn't do it, then we certainly could.

i still feel that way, and i hope that will mean something.


"was she told when she was young that pain would lead to pleasure?..
did she understand it when they said..
..that a man must break his back to earn his day of leisure?..
will she still believe it when he's dead?
ahh, gir-irl
gir-irl" -t.b.


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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

she promises the earth to me and i believe her