i grew up in a large family. there were eight of us, including my parents. accordingly, my mom and dad had to find ways to make ends meet, while keeping everyone fed and reasonably [this was the eighties] well-clothed.

so there was the normal stuff; hand-me-down clothes, avoiding brand names and relative to my friends, meager holidays and birthdays in terms of presents. [granted, i can see now that it was way more than i needed, and my friends were probably being given too much. also, i didn't really see that big of a difference, because i didn't know any different.]

the part of life that sticks out the most to me was food. beside the normal casseroles to stretch food out, there were things we had that no one else did. we never had kraft singles, but these almost-cheese slices instead. we always had wheat bread, because it could be bought cheaply as extras at the nearby bakery and then frozen. this led to lots of cold bread that eventually turned soggy. and for the first eight years of my life - if not longer - the only milk in our refrigerator was reconstituted powdered skim milk.

i know. sounds gross. it is. i didn't know at the time, but what i did know is that i liked normal milk with actual milkfat a lot better. so for a while after the oppression ended, i only wanted white bread and non-skim milk. it had always been a treat, of sorts, when i was younger so i thought that was what i really wanted.

i think that we are like that sometimes. too often. in that we think that what we need is elsewhere and otherwise and that what we have just isn't good enough.

and it turns out, that i like wheat bread better. it turns out i like skim milk better [though not powdered]. and it turns out that they are both better for me than the alternative i tried to escape to. and it isn't that i think change is bad, or that whatever you grew up with is the best possible. because i don't.

we think that what we have, when it gets too comfortable, is no longer enough. we see everything else as preferable. even though it isn't necessarily good for us. i've been stupid a lot in my life.


"your heart's warm and kind
your mind is your own.." -o.r.


< << < : : >> > >
number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

he's not of this time, he fell out of a hole