just a quick bit to qualify the last entry. it may seem like these people and i have very little in common, and that i should stop spending time with them, or accept who they are and what they do and get over myself. i mean, how much can one whine that other people are having a good time?

to be honest, i pretty much have cut them out of my life. i see them fairly rarely, and i attend few get-togethers centered around alcohol. [which means i see them extra sparingly.] and as much as i still feel what i said and have for quite some time. that wasn't my problem. it wasn't the catalyst. it is just what came out.

the real problem is the other people. the people who mean something to me. the people who are supposed to be there for me like i am and would be there for them. i will not just say "best friends" because that does not really cover it. they are the people who you can trust, with anything. there are not many, and there should not be. even if everyone else is total crap, these people are not.

that is my problem. these people are not around.

of course, if i am going to preach personal responsibility, i should be ready to have some. so, despite my rambling for the past eighty-seven paragraphs and at least as many entries, i realize that my problems are my problems because of me. i will probably continue to spill them, but i do not expect anyone else to make them better.

[maybe more upbeat, some new h#umor. if not now, within a minute or two.]


"but is it not enough to be comple-hete?.." -m.


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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

and my absence will remind you of