i don't really want to write this, as it is a boring topic that will probably come off as self-righteous and pompous. all i am trying to accomplish by writing it is to write something as opposed to, "the nothing". forgive me if you hate it.

i don't meet many new people. the average monthly/yearly numbers of actual strangers whom i've met in the past have never been that high. [i know few people.] but it is even less in the past few years. and being that i'm not even out with friends that often, i often find myself alone. and i've noticed that no one talks to people they don't know. you might disagree with me, but as i don't frequent night spots and am not attractive, much less an attractive girl, it is my experience that people don't talk to me if they don't know me. [which isn't to say that i want the type of people who incessantly bother women to talk to me..] and to be honest, i'd probably be bothered if most people talked to me. or at the very least i'd be empty-headed and they'd leave as a result of my having nothing to say coming off as a cool reception.

but i always imagine sitting down next to people i don't know, or them sitting next to me, and telling me about their lives. about their stories. widowers. asian couples. old african women. veterans. kids even. but they don't. and neither do i. and i feel it is my loss..

the people i do meet, i've often met at friends' parties. they are usually of similar age. and as most parties of people in their twenties, they revolve around drinking. and if they ever wanted a serious discussion about the subject i would tell them i disagree with the practice, but no one really wants to hear that and i don't really want to say it. i don't drink, and that is all. oftentimes when a stranger observes me with a gatorade or a snack i've brought, they'll ask. i'll say i don't. and if there is a response, it will invariably be surprise. which i understand, given my age, and the normal.

but i have my drugs. addictions that indulge in when i can. foreign candies. asian food of all types. sushi. hard-boiled egg whites with salt and pepper. food. tennis. my racquets. non-fiction. sleep.

it would be easy to assume that people don't talk to me because i'm different. no one talks to no one. i'm just the same.


"and i'm sorry for us
the dinosaurs roam the earth
the sky turns green
where i end and you begin" -r.


< << < : : >> > >
number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

and i can't and i can't come down