i'm writing this on no sleep and with a rather massive [or at least with a vector leading towards massive] headache. i should just wait to write it down, but i will probably forgot. i only ask for a little slack for my word choice, not my ideas.

i just drove home to the most amazing sunrise i could have ever imagined. it started out small and pink against the blue. nice, but nothing spectacular. then the entire eastern half of the sky went gold. highlighting clouds and sides of buildings. just as i turned to see the blue in contrast, i noticed a full rainbow, end to end, in the western half of the sky.

and i wondered.. what do i do? people from my past fill my head. i worry about them. these are people who may be friends, or may have left without a word. people, whom, by worldly standards, by human interaction standards, i should have dismissed from my head and forgotten about long ago. people i should have turned my back on and been happier as a result.

but i don't work that way. i worry. should i say something? should i just let it go? do i pretend the same non-existance that they do? that doesn't seem right. it doesn't seem fair. at the same time, i spend time worrying. i feel queasy and hollow when i hear bad news. but i can't..

i think i probably pester a lot of people who would like to never hear from me again. i can't say i'm all that sorry. but if someone never tells you to shut up, and you're oblivious to social convention, what else is there to do but keep talking?


"and i wanted to believe
you would win
the war in your head" -j.n.


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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

..that i did not understand