first, i got a fortune in a fortune cookie. "if you've got it, flaunt it." how is that a fortune? that is a command if anything. perhaps an admonition. but not necessarily a good one.

second. i think it is too easy to slip into the idea of 'days past' being the days. as in the thinking, "those were the days." starring 'days past' as "those", and "the days" appearing as themselves.

and, at least in my case, there was nothing not to like about those certain days in high school. life was easy and fun and carefree. regardless of how much teenage difficulty there seemed to be. seemingly endless energy and no need for sleep, ever.

but life now isn't bound nearly as much to others decisions. i feel i'm smarter, if only marginally. i care less what others think and am more comfortable as i am. i can still take part in leisure activities i could then, and with more ability. [i.e. i'm not yet hobbled by age.] i'm more open to experiences and new foods and activities and places. i've experienced enough to know, for the most part, what is worth it and what isn't. if anything, these are the days.

except, one could conceivably continue saying, 'that whatever present bit of life one is in, is 'the time' to be in'. and of course they would be living in the present and well adjusted and all that nonsense. and that doesn't allow for neuroses such as mine.

i think, maybe, i have an idea. i think life has been turned into a jolly rancher flavored life. [jolly ranchers being a hard candy, in case they are not universally sold.] i use this to make my point not only because i know this particular type of candy rather well, but also because it fits.

you see, i happen to like jolly ranchers. i've probably eaten more of them than perhaps anything else. so, i also know the flavors quite well. and i can assure you, that not a single one of them tastes like the actual fruit they are named after.

they taste good though.

and that's the connection. be it love, depression, belonging, satisfaction, disappointment, etc. it is this mass-manufactured feeling that has been labeled 'satisfaction', when it is actually nothing more than an artificial representation of it. and the artificial flavor is constantly moving further away from the actual.

why? because this world is pop culture. and pop culture either moves or gets trampled. new songs, new clothes, new hype every day or someone else is going to take your spot. and so goes what is assumed to be 'life'.

here goes, one big ball of yarn connection. that is why, i think, it is so easy to look back fondly. because as artificial as it was two or six years ago, it was that much closer to actual. the taste was a bit better. a bit more real. and that is the allure.


"i want to hold your little hand
if i can be so bold
and be your right hand man
'til your hands get old" -t.w.s.


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