so after i tell you what i am going to tell you, you may wish you hadn't wasted your time because you already knew it. denny's is cheap.

what exactly do i mean by that? do i mean?, you know that denny's sure does provide lip-smacking and hearty meals for an inexpensive price. no. i mean that those people at denny's are some cheap fools who think they know how to pull a fast one.

i know i shouldn't expect much from some place that is open all the seconds of an entire year. [completely serious here, i just realized, doesn't it seem deranged or odd that no matter what minute, no matter what day you show up, you can walk in and get the exact same thing?] but, a few grocery stores are open almost all the time, and i could have had a much better meal for 10.29, let me assure you.

it all started with the noticing they give you one napkin around your steelware [who are we kidding, it ain't silver], and that's it. i notice this because i am apparently some sort of napkin monster. [see: cookie monsteresque [and if you don't know who the cookie monster is, i can't help, sorry.] ] i feel the need for my face and hands to constantly be cleaned while eating. so i've always noticed this about denny's, but it got worse, and quickly so. i notice the prices on the menu all go against everything i know about marketing and appealing to the customer's cheapness, as well as getting what you can. 6.09, 7.09, 1.55, instead of 5.99, 6.99, and 1.49. so i immediately think they are just cheap and/or like dimes, but then, inexplicably, some stuff is 7.89, when they could have gotten another dime out of it. so now they are cheap, but also crazy.

and that is exactly what they are, cheap but crazy. i ask the waitress if i can swap out some stuff. admittedly, i didn't think i would be able to do it because i'm sure there is some sort of factory that presses out meals and stuff just can't be swapped as they don't have the molds for it. but i didn't feel it was unreasonable, as i was giving them 60 cents in the deal. i thought, they are cheap, and they are crazy, but surely cheap will distract crazy here, and i will win. but no. crazy punched cheap in the face.

crazy showed up again and asked if wanted more butter [even though they don't use butter], when clearly i would not be able to ingest what they had given me. and then cheap showed up. my friend's turkey sandwich was only a "turkey sandwich" by the slimmest of margins. emphasis on the "mest". one slice of turkey. one. maybe you don't know how to count, or know what numbers are. so pretend you had two pieces of bread. no turkey. then pretend someone else ate some turkey near you and breathed in your face while you put bread into your mouth. this is what he had. of course this turkey eating person was from elsewhere, as this establishment seemed to have none.

and not that i need a pitcher of syrup, but you know when you go to someone's house and they have a dispenser in their bathroom of those really small cups. and you put some water in it and drink it and then you are so amazed with how unsatisfied you still are and so you go to refill it and it disintegrates because it is like made of newsprint or something and all this time desert creatures are leaving your mouth because it is too dry and you hate these people for having small cups. it's like, either offer me a proper cup or just nothing, so that when you walk in on me and i'm using my hands to cup water to my mouth i don't feel so weird. and why are you just busting in the loo when i'm obviously not finished. you can hear all the sloshing around. stupid arse.

anyway that is how much syrup i had. i almost thought there had once been a fake maple leaf near the table.

anyway, twenty-six dollars for two plates at a dodgy non-real restaurant is a bit much to ask for not using canadian or australian money..


"and give it to you muf.*#@ like bustabuss" -s.d.


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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

who's the man with the dance..?