prosaic

being screwed over by two people that are supposed to be sending you things, as you paid them, is aggravating. being ignored is no fun. [and while that makes me realise how horrible of a person i am, when i ignore people, that is another story.] for some reason it makes me trust a bit less. which isn't something i want. seems very stupid thing to let bother me. and i guess it isn't, too much, yet. it will if they, in fact, rip me off. ah to be so capitalistic..

next. i think it is funny how i can, when i'm not paying attention, think of a lot of people i know and when asked, say, yes, they are my friends. the truth though, is that i know a fair amount of people i can hang out with when they aren't getting plastered, or a little bit of something that there is apparently nothing wrong with, or generally being completely inappropriate. and of course there is this temptation to give them the benefit of the doubt. but the only reason i would give them such, is because i know them. they are just like everyone i don't like to hang out with. except i've known them longer than i want to know most people. i will admit to anyone, anytime, that i am fairly moronic and without many redeeming qualities, but even i know that there is no reason to spend every free moment destroying your liver, or my ears, as i have to hear it all. just shut up some times. i'm fine with a small number of friends. and i see nothing wrong with being an introvert. and i can give you twenty examples why..

dentists who give good shots while not existing, are good. dull roar of an ache in my jaw all day, is not good. thai massaman curry and rice, so good. potential for car to be dying, just dumb. songs that nicely employ silence as a part of the composition, i enjoy.

sometimes all i need is reassurance. sometimes it isn't enough.

"i am feeling very warm right now.
please don't disappear.
i am spacing out with you.
you are the most beautiful entity that i have ever dreamed of.
at night i will protect you in your dreams, i will be your angel.
you worry so much about not having enough time together.
it makes no difference to me.
i would be happy with just one minute in your arms.
let's have an extended play together.
you're telling me that we live to far to love each other.
but our love can stretch further than the eye can see.
so how does this make you feel?

how does it make you feel?
how does it make you feel?
how does it make you feel?
how does it make you feel?

do you know when you look at me, it is a salvation.
i've been waiting for you for so long, i can drive on that road forever.
i wish you could exist, to live on my planet.
well, it's very hard for me to say these things in your presence.
so, how does this make you feel? .. " -a.