one thing that does not aid in getting me to write more often is, after having finished typing a fair amount of words, to have my computer crash. i probably should have seen it coming. and yet, i've still not even attempted to write anything since. woe is me. and now, that i am, woe is you. [and of course joey lawrence, still just woah]

first. i said i wasn't going to watch anything on the eleventh of the month, about itself anyway. i may have lied. what i watched was on the tenth, and it wasn't about terrorism or the government or musical acts. what it was, was an installment of nova on pbs. if you're not familiar with it, i say it is to your detriment, but that is not the point. it was about how the buildings fell. it was about the structure, the architecture, the physics of how they came down. as opposed to a daylong rendition of america the beautiful with an extra verse about planes and bad, bad middle-easterners. thinking about it all made me feel weird. and think eventually, if the media hype of the day ever dies down for subsequent anniversaries, i will be able to feel sick for the right reasons. or happy we are passed it, or something besides the need to avoid all coverage of it. as for now, i'm not sure if what i felt was nostalgia for autumn that happens every year or not.

and as long as i'm still on that subject i just want to say that i think that the idea of people getting rich off of their relatives' deaths is appalling. some up to three million. what is the rationale for something like that? if everyone that died had that kind of coverage, fine [though murder rates would skyrocket], or if that is what they had in insurance, then they have a right to it. as it stands, it makes no sense. it is just american excess again. the bodies and rubble hadn't even stopped burning, and people were on television with lawyers in tow to get their "fair share". fair? fair is what everyone else gets, which is any job and personal coverage you may have, and maybe some social security if you have none. fair is not a lottery jackpot minus the megaball. and i know what losing someone close is like, i just didn't have the presence of mind to tell cnn that i should get enough money to keep me en vogue for the next decade or so. [i meant greed, sorry.]

military widows don't get that. especially when the mission is confidential or it was friendly fire. people in oklahoma city, afghanistan, iraq, and any number of events. so the lesson is, if you sense something big that could mess you up, make sure it is so big that the media devotes days to it. you too could be grieving with ben franklin as you bling your way to your local chapter of sad millionaire therapy.

also i find it funny that we make mention of iraq not following u.n. resolutions when israel never has, and we do whatever we darn well please. going there didn't help his dad. maybe that's what it will take to get him out as well, in which case i'm almost for it.

b.e.t. late at night is jacked up. in the half second it was on there while flipping by, i was besieged by stuff i thought only on channels with hourly rates.

i think extremes are just that. things taken to excess for no good reason. i think everyone is free to buy food with mega flavor, wristwatches worth a car, shirts for a week's salary each; to play russian roulette while skateboarding off the wing of a plane that is on fire; to smoke asphalt and crack with an i.v. of 190 proof in the middle of an orgy; to think everything come up with before last month is absurdly incorrect; if they want. i just find it a waste. at least they are happy and doing what they want i guess.


"i like the way
you look tonight
no blood in your vein
what does it mean?
trashy art everywhere
on the screen
slow motion aftertaste
love at first sight
that's the way you look tonight
[the way you look tonight]
i like the way you look tonight
[the way you look tonight]
that's the way you look tonight that's the way you look tonight
[the way you look tonight]
i like the way you look tonight i like the way you look tonight.." -a.


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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

one million miles