why are movies like movies? seriously. [not common for me to be, well, as far as you would know i guess..] everyone has a dream or something they really want to do. a singular goal. an ambition. makes for an easier to follow plot perhaps. but it is pissing me off. of all things. of the constant deaths and loss of limbs in and around israel, just to name one place. i can't rattle my ideas my dreams my thoughts my likes my life down to a single point. or even a few that overlap.

i want things i cannot have. so i can let those wants go. there are a few i will not let go of. they will never pay rent or student debts or bills.

it's a bit amazing, in a stupid way, how many phrases can run through your head in a few moments. and then they go away in the minute it takes to start a computer.

on a completely different train, i think anyway.. a certain person, one i would listen to were nothing being said, because of the meaning it carries, tells me the other day how it has struck her odd [my words] that no one can ever completely know someone else. at the time i didn't have anything good to say in reply. which worked out, as i don't think she wanted an answer. she didn't ask a question, you see. except i have something to say now. and she may read this, and she may not. and maybe i'll bring it up if i have dinner with her at some point, and maybe not. but, given that fact, that you cannot know another completely, or even really close to completely. given that. that is why i think interaction is so crucial, so important, so fun, so exciting, so devastating, so horrible, so lovely, so mediocre, so laborious. if you could have it all, in essence [or maybe wholly for all i know], if you could know what it was like to be someone else, what would be the point of being yourself? if someone else could have every iota of minutiae that you have. why not wait for that person to have it first, and then know them. i don't know. maybe that's off track.

so what i need, wants do not do justice, is someone to bring grilled corn [in the husk] to. someone to bring lozenges and soup to on the way back from the post office during the sniffly season of winter. someone to try my hardest to interact with. i don't want to know them completely, i can allow that to slide for this life. i want to know the space between us completely. and i guess i need to stop concentrating on having a job i enjoy beside that, but it is hard to leave that so up in the air. my priorities are often not where they should be.. with rusty-brown stars exploding in green skies.


"papers in the roadside
tell of suffering and greed.
fear today,
forgot tomorrow.
here beside the news
of holy war and holy need,
ours is just a little sorrowed talk.." -d.d.


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the view to..