i've been feeling extremely disconnected lately. [you might wonder to yourself, how so? or perhaps, in what manner, person whom i don't know well enough to use your first name, even in my head?, and i'd appreciate if you would, so that i could describe.] except, i'm not sure exactly how.

okay, you know how people say that they have those dreams or just experiences where they feel like they are floating outside of their bed and see themselves, um, it's nothing like that at all. i don't see myself, and i don't get a nice floaty feeling. instead i feel like i'm being insulated from myself. and therefore i am also being further insulated from anything outside of me. the world is often cold and uncaring, yes, but i've grown used to that bit. the problem makes itself specifically obvious in classes. i honestly feel dense. literal and figurative. i'm not getting much of anything, and i'm definitely not getting any rest. even on the rare weekend night when i get to sleep for an extended period i wake up and immediately want to sleep again. it has been days since i saw a great film and i feel completely removed from whatever good feelings i had after seeing it. i don't know. i think i may miss a lot for the remainder of this semester because at this point i'm hoping for nothing short of its quick end.

oh also, my philosophy class has continued to help aid my idea that happiness is not only not necessary, but also, not really a worthy pursuit for me. i see nothing wrong with anyone else doing it, i just don't imagine it helping, only taking my time, perhaps keeping my attention from more important matters, and just as often superficial as not.

bleh. don't listen to me. i'm off to bed.


"if i could find a souvenir,
just to prove
the world was here.." -n.


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