i say this knowing full well how selfish it is to think. to want at times. i would like nice random people to come up and talk to me for no reason, or maybe for a good reason that they can tell me at their leisure. or for someone to tug my sleeve from behind and say, sorry, i never do this, but would you like to get coffee? and i don't even drink coffee, but i would say okay, and i would follow her in my car and be anxious because that's how i am and we would have a great nervous conversation that would end up not nervous.. i know it is a lot to ask, but i know it's selfish.

i always wonder about eyes meeting across rooms or meeting someone and falling into immediate conversation that lets you know you want to talk again and kiss the lips that are moving in words and smiles and breaths. but people have to know me, i have to know them, first. that proves problematic for people i see once and never again. beside the fact i've had chances and messed them up. so i can't actually complain.

i don't even know how to say anything..


"to tread this fantasy, openly,
what have i done.
oh, this uncertainty
is taking me over,
is taking me over,
is taking me over." -p.


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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

leave it to the other girls, to play