while i am quite sure a large majority of people [those who enjoy music anyway] does the same thing, i'm not sure i can figure it out. that being, when you are depressed or ecstatic that your music reflects that. it makes sense to me when i look at this way; when you are very happy or full of energy or you just kissed someone for the first time, or whatever, you put on similar music, be it romantic, fast, sugar-coated, etc. it would seem rather daft to put on depressing music at such a time, even i am not that pessimistic. so if such an extremely upbeat mood warrants such music selection, i can understand how other points along the line or spectrum of feelings and moods and situations gives way towards music reflecting the moment. i'm just not sure why exactly no one can ever be happy with the moment as is, and why we try to extend it and/or intensify it by putting a soundtrack to it. i do it. i just don't get why i do.

this stems from doing exactly that last night, of course. it is weird running into people from your past.. hmm, not like people you never want to run into, because that's usually more sucky than weird. [also avoided whenever possible, and whenever not possible, kept as brief as possible.] but people you'd like to see more often, but your lives don't overlap, or even come close enough to overlapping to pretend that they do to offer running into and ideas of stuff to do. and it's not someone from a past relationship, but it's just really unsettling to go from knowing someone well enough to catch movies with and have nicknames from and talk with on a daily basis, to not seeing them in years. i'm pretty damn pathetic. [not provoking feelings of pity, to be sure, but, so inadequate as to be laughable or contemptible. which i find to be true as i laugh at myself often..]


"now on the bus
nearly touching this dirty retreat
falling out
6th and powell
a dead sweat in my teeth
gonna walkwalkwalk
four more blocks,
plus the one in my break
down downstairs,
to the man
he's gonna make it all okay
i can't beat myself
i can't beat myself
and i don't want to talk
i'm taking the cure
so i can be quiet
whenever i want,
so leave me alone
you ought to be proud that i'm getting good marks..
needle in the hay
needle in the hay
needle in the hay
needle in the hay
needle in the hay
needle in the hay
needle in the hay
needle in the hay.." -e.s.


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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

but you idiot kid, you don't have a clue