apparently sleeping twelve hours a week has more negative effects than the obvious. one being, that my body became so accustomed to continual lack of sleep that when i did finally get an eight-hour night in, i was wide-awake for the next thirty. none too happy either.

i just saw a movie that could best be described as horrible [as opposed to the horror genre it is supposedly included in]. irritating actors, minimal, yet also somehow horrendous, script, and superhuman feats of evil. i'd hoped for much better. it only validates me in thinking that 'horror' or 'scary' films are crap.

i really like salt. well, i don't mean to say that i put it on everything [like how can one put salt on fruit and also expect me to take them seriously?], nor do i have a salt lick in my room [though i'm tempted.] what i mean is that i enjoy it in proper quantities, and it does its job quite well i think. [not to mention i have a lower blood pressure than normal, so i'm not too worried about the potential of it rising, which it hasn't.] also, i like water. it's good cold, you use it to make practically everything, and you can swim in it. what isn't to like? salt water is what. there is little i'd rather have up my nose or in my eyes or tasting than a burning saline solution. two positives = a negative. [go figure.] [math puns, i'm disgusted with myself.]

in the past two days i've received emails from the three young ladies i've been in relationships with. [actually in order from most recent to least so, if you're curious.] i'm not sure how i'd act if we were to hang out, which isn't a problem as they live at least two hours away, or four times that, or six. for some reason i've never found it easy to go from kissing someone and being able to mess with their hair and smelling them and holding looks at them without having to look away, to banter. i've done it. i do it. i act as though they are just friends and that i never thought about them when they weren't around, but it's all an act, and a poor one. and are these quasi-friendship past relationship things, are they to exist forever? are they going to fade into a holiday card twenty years from now written only because of an old photo found and re-forgotten weeks after? will there be a time that everyone is happy and happy for everyone else and life will move on? i'm honestly worried about that.

"you can't give yourself absolutely to someone else." -l.l.

that worries me. exams and car wrecks and depleting ozone and carbon monoxide poisoning and cancer and new influenza strains and allergic reactions to everyday, but also not often run into, objects and falling rocks and flash floods and tornados and lawn mower accidents and mafia car bombs and muggings and serial killers and lightning and rabid dogs and rogue nations and kitchen accidents, those things should plague my head ten times more than that little bit of italics. they should.

-

"there's still a feeling of rejection when somebody says she prefers the company of others to your exclusive company" -n.s.


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08.09.01
4.59a
number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

like sandalwood..