i don't remember what movie i was watching, or when exactly [apart from when i was on leave from work]. but a character or a voice-over made the point, and i'm paraphrasing, that we are just blinks of time. a few years ago we weren't anything, and a few years from now we will be gone. and whatever we are doing in our heads should be understood with that context.
it's when i hear things like that or remember that idea, that i do things out of character. like buy a car because i want it. send emails that share too much. go on random adventures. or have embarrassing conversations. i'll slip back into anxiety or overthinking soon enough, but for those moments i don't care. and that feels really good.