driving home last night the feeling of being alone rushed over me. it was sudden and unshakable. i wasn't lonely in the sense that there was no one in the car with me. just that i was aware of my isolation, and it hurt. but i couldn't think of a way to explain it much better than that.
this morning i was reading an article (about impacts on new doctors as they don't have outlets (unrelated)), and i came across this line: "we need to be able to voice these doubts and fears." the topic is not the same and my life is not made of the same type or amount of stresses faced by new doctors.
in general, i'm a pretty great person to vent to. i'm a good listener, a good shoulder, someone to bounce ideas off. so people do that. and i've needed that today. i'm not saying that i have no one who would listen, but what i've really needed the past 24hrs is a hug. i don't think it would take much more than that to feel recharged and okay. but i don't have that. and that is very apparent in these moments. that no one is around is my doing. but the dull ache in my chest doesn't know that.