i do not know how i didn't mention this when it happened six or seven years ago, but apparently i did not. so i was walking across a campus (not mine) to my car just before sunrise and i thought nothing of the lawns being chock full of squirrels and a few birds as this particular campus always had very well-fed squirrels all over the place.

out of the very corner of my eye and in the pale pre-sunlight, about ten feet away, i saw the largest squirrel in the world. how large? I'm thinking bobcat size, boston terrier/french bulldog size. it startled me, i may have jumped to the side, i may have emitted sound (i honestly don't recall at this point), and i felt my adrenal glands squeeze a little as my fight or flight response had a test.

of course this was not a squirrel but a huge rabbit the exact same coloring as the surrounding squirrels. i thought it was funny, and i was relieved, but i still walked faster than normal to my car. it was me or him, that's all i knew, and he had rodent teeth.

i have two words for haberdashers that have not come to the present in a time machine from the past, and they are, fuck pleats.

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