i'm tired of the wishy washy b.s.ness surrounding the idea of loyalty. people only want you to back them up when they have screwed up. it's never a you stick by me, i'll stick by you sort of arrangement. instead it is a she said something really mean (but true) about me so you had better be on my side of the insane third grade argument; or, i got drunk and decided to mess with a bare-knuckle gypsy boxer, back me up.
fuck that. you know what loyalty is? it is not putting other people in harm's way unless absolutely necessary. it's not ditching someone for the latest and latest. [
yes, that's no typo.]
also, there's this idea that if i ever back out of an interpersonal (x)ship [think algebra] when you've done some crap, that somehow i'm the deficient one. as if my friendship is yours to own and i have no say..
this ties into the whole honesty thing. it is the same, people only want you to be honest when it benefits them. if they are buying a used car, you'd better tell them every iota. selling a used car, they'll "forget" to tell you that there is no engine, just a hamster, wheel, and some hamster chow on a string.
i have no way to explain to a child (or anyone else) my reasoning for being honest beyond the whole golden rule/kantian deontological universal. nevertheless, do not ask me a question that you do not want me to answer honestly. you'll either get an answer you don't want or you'll put me in an awkward position.
tangent alert.. i don't like the seemingly universal idea that one "shouldn't snitch." so children are taught that it is better to let someone get away with something than to call a spade a spade? i get that they need to learn to deal with problems without running to an adult every time something does not go their way, but is disciplining a valid report to an authority figure really the best idea? is it any wonder that so much that goes on goes unreported? children learn that it is better to be a quiet victim, and that people can get away with things because no one with any real power cares that much, and then those children grow into silent, careless adults. great lessons.
allow me to illustrate as best i can. a friend and i were having such a discussion. i have known him since i was at most three, probably younger, but i can only remember so far back. i told him if he ever does anything to the point that he is on the lam, and he comes to me looking for help, the absolute most i will do for him is give him a head start before i call the cops. and that depends on what he's done. i won't lie for him. i won't be an accessory.
real friends don't screw you over. they don't use you as an overflow valve for their idiocy. they want to hear the brutal truth. they only expect help when they have done all that they can. they give more than they take.
so naturally, i can't stay