so, movies, i guess i'm talking about.. i don't mind happy endings, but just not all the time and not when it is obviously fake. sigh i mean, it is obviously fake, it's a movie [except documentaries]. [is it just me or are all these asides pissing you off as well?].

i like movies that are realistic because i find it much easier to lose myself in them. really fake movies become a chore at some point and usually that point comes quickly. so, instead, i watch films that suck me in to the point that i can invest myself in the story and the characters and the setting even. [it's a sickness, shut up.]

the problem with this, then, is that the endings aren't all happy. most of them are, at best, ambiguous, and just as often they are unambiguously unambiguous. and so when i'm not feeling, proverbially, the tops, i don't watch a comedy to cheer me up. i watch what i normally watch. and the story went up and then down and then when i was thinking, "hey, it migh," it didn't. it was inconclusive. and not one of those where things start to turn up and the credits roll, so even though they didn't say it you get the feeling that good things happened. this one was left cloudy to the point of expecting it not to go well. but i'm sure that varies person to person.

one other thing that i have been thinking on and off for months, at least. it must be frustrating to actually have a very odd name and try to communicate with people via email. especially if you are not good with subject lines. i doubt jacksonville m. falafel gets a lot of replies. i could be wrong though.

i miss spending time with someone who wants to spend time with me specifically. i have friends but let's face it, for the most part, in a lot of instances friends would probably be just as pleased to spend that time with another friend. i don't mean that in a pitiful way or in a mean way, just being honest in what is probably the case. nothing personal, only that i think this happens. if they hadn't gotten lunch with you, then they would have been fine getting it with friend x, [which, as it turns out, seems to be another dreadful name when having to correspond via email,] that sort of thing.

but what i miss is that person who doesn't want to go to that event or to have that moment with someone else. it has been too long since i've felt that and i don't think that it's quite fair, really. i wouldn't say i deserve it, because, well, i just wouldn't. it would be nice, though. lather, rinse, repeat.

-