i do not tend to deal with universals. they have their place as in, grape nuts = concrete aggregate but they are often too broad.

that said, i have recently come up with four universals that have no known exception. none. if one of these apply to you, chances are good that we should not spend time in the same room.

1. if you enjoy nicolas cage movies.
2. if you laugh at carlos mencia. ever.
3. (i don't remember the third one at the moment, but if i do, i will put it in.)
4. if you have a yellow car. (this one does have exceptions. maybe you inherited it. maybe it is a classic, that is reasonable. maybe it a super-amazing car that you bought for $1 because it would not sell otherwise and you have yet to get it repainted. but if you went out and bought one on purpose, let's not be friends.)

i would rather not whittle down an already small list of people who would enjoy hanging out with me, but some lines draw themselves.



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number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

you want me?,, fucking well come and find me..