i started rambling earlier and did not write what i originally meant.

what i meant to focus on is how so many people [i would say most] go through a period in their life when the only important part is freedom or social events or keeping options open or something. when the most important thing you can think of doing is going to a movie or to a concert or out with friends to another mindless party where all the same people come and say the same things and the same music is played and the same things happen.

there are so much more imporant things to be doing, especially at this point in life, but we just do not get it. we are too stupid and too nave and too egotistical and too selfish. and we think we have only to answer to ourself and that if we can just do it all again tomorrow night or next weekend or next month when that thing is happening, then we will be happy. but the time will come and go, and we will be the same.

some people get through this period or phase fairly rapidly, and others languish in it. some realize the pointlessness while others see themselves in no trap, but just living life. i include myself in this vast majority of people who have been or are in this mindset. and i think one can only really be certain of where they are if they have escaped.

we all think that there will always be time to what is needed, or what would be best, or to put things off until later to enjoy other things now. basically we do not think we ever have to choose because we can just do everything. if unimportant option a must be done today, while important option b can be done today or tomorrow, well, then go with a. except, there will always be petty things that can only be done today. so everything that is a lot more important and a little more flexible disappears into the future until they are no longer options.

we think there is always plenty of time. the reality is that there is never enough time. there will never be enough time to do everything you want. never. so you not only have to make the choice of what to do today or tomorrow, but you have to choose what to do and what to let go of and never do.

when i have time to sit and relax or think - like these past few moments - it is because i have either made all the important decisions i need to make for now, or i have put off making those decisions. considering my age, and everything going on in my life, it is clear that my decisions have not been made.

there will never be enough time. i feel i am on the other side of that period, where i can see it from the outside. i can understand the allure, when inside that mindset, but i cannot understand getting stuck and spending my whole life in it. it is so empty and shallow and meaningless. my life is not contrastingly full and deep and meaningful, but i understand the sorts of things required to get to such a state. and that is all anyone really needs.

it is frustrating to see people caught in the mire of there's time enough, because it is hard to take someone else's word for it that action must be taken. someone else's urgency is rarely sufficient to awaken one's senses to reality.

last week there was heavy rain and large hail coming down, the tornado warning siren was going off a few houses away, and a tornado spotted within a mile of me; i was sitting on the couch, watching the weather report, and doing a crossword puzzle. i understood the danger theoretically, i just did not feel it applied to me.

and so it is. some people will not wake up until it is too late. i hope i am not too late, if i am, then i know it is my own fault. i hope the few people who happen upon this are either already so far beyond me that this is all obvious, or that they will take it seriously. there is plenty of time in general, as for you or me, we have no time to lose. we are already running behind.

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13.04.06
1.08a
number 9.. .   .? andy andy andy, get your adverbs here

come quickly and abide, or life is vain.